


Am I Worth it

by Shadow_moon



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, first fic, im sorry if this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 16:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_moon/pseuds/Shadow_moon
Summary: It can be hard sometimes, fighting off those voices inside your head. I try and I try, but sometimes, they win.luckily someone is there to pull me out.





	Am I Worth it

**Author's Note:**

> HIIIII guys. So this is my first fic so pls gimmie some constructive criticism, but understand if it sucks. if it does suck I'm sorry. A warning too that i have little experience with anxiety attacks so if anything is inaccurate please tell me so I can fix it. Just a warning, I didn't edit this so there might be mistakes until I find the time to do it.

          Everyone has their bad days, though the knowledge of that doesn't make them any easier to handle. It's especially challenging when you have anxiety like I do. Most days I can deal with it without completely breaking down. Today is not one of those days.           

           ** _you're not good enough_**

**_he'll leave you_ **

**_"_** Stop"

**_he's bored with you_ **

**_If you weren't such a mess he would want you to stay_ **

"Shut up"

**_Your skating doesn't impress him_ **

**_Every time he says he loves you he's lying_ **

"Please" I whimper, clutching my head and falling to my knees on the soft carpet of the bedroom floor. 

          But the voices don't stop, they get louder. I can feel my throat close up and my head get fuzzy as I let out a sob. My stomach, twisting, turning, and buzzing, making me nauseous. Slowly I became less aware of my surroundings and more aware of the crippling anxiety and the screaming voices in my head. I couldn't breathe. My chest was too tight and that only made me more anxious. Panting, I bring my knees up to my chest and put my head in between them tugging at the hair near my temples to the pint of pain.

           _ **"you're so pathetic"**_

_**"He should just leave"** _

"no, no,no" I chanted, fighting the words as best I could. I don't want him to leave, I love him and he loves me.. right?

          I sob harder, pull my hair harder, and curl up tighter, completely taken over by everything. I hear Makka whining , but it's so distant I don't register it, even when it's gone and scurrying paws can be heard leaving the room and running down the hall. 

          In what could only be minutes, but what felt like hours, I hear victor quickly breathe out a panicked "Yuuri" before hand gently touch my hands. 

          I jerk back in panic, thoughts swirling in my head louder than before. I try and scooch away, but Victor doesn't let me. he grabs my hands harder and pulls them away from my head and I finally look at him for real. 

          He's kneeling in front of me, a worried look in his eyes, and a deep frown on his face. "Yuuri, hey shh it's ok" he reassures, but I just shake my head because it's not. It's not ok. I shouldn't be here. I'm not worthy, he'll just leave me, I'll lose him. He can see how pathetic I am he'll leave. 

          Arms surround me and my face is pushed into a warm chest. "breathe Yuuri, Breathe." and I try, I take a deep breath, choke and continue panting and sobbing, questioning why he's here comforting me. questioning why he hasn't left yet. 

          "I-I can't" I gasp out when he tells me to breathe again. 

          "Try to focus on my heart beat and try to follow my breathing, it's ok dorogoy, it's ok" he says as he rubs his hands up and down my back. 

          I do as he says and try and focus my mind on his heart. It's hard, it's so hard. the voices fight for my attention while I desperately try to ignore them and focus on Victor, my love. 

          Victor continues to murmur sweet nothings into my ear as I try and gain control of my breathing. When I get myself in control enough to speak I clutch my hands into victors shirt and cry into his shirt. 

          "W-why are you with me? I'm not good enough for you. My s-skating sucks, I'-m a m-mess, and you, you're just s-so p-perfect" I sob out. 

          "Moya zvezda no. Yuuri what is making you think like this? You are doing wonderful in skating. You land the Quad Loop almost consistently now! You may be a mess in the moment, but you're my mess and I love you. Nothing is wrong with you. I'm not perfect Yuuri. I mess up to you know. I'm not good at this emotions thing either" he chuckles. "But I'm trying my best, and that's all that matters right my love?." 

          During Victors speech I had calmed down to shivering and sniffing. "you're getting pretty good at the emotional thing" I murmured and he hugged me tighter. 

          "Well I'm glad." 

          For a while we just sit there on the floor, rocking back and forth, and victor rubbing my back and running his fingers through my hair. eventually I let out a sigh and pull back from the comforting embrace with more than a little reluctance. 

          "I'm sorry" I trailed off and looked away. 

          "there's nothing to be sorry for love."

          "I made you worry, I don't want to inconvenience you"

          "yuuri" he gives me a stern look. :You're never an inconvenience.

          I couldn't help but give a small smile in Victors direction. Said smile gets bigger when Victor returns it with a big heart shaped smile of his own. 

          I sniff the air and frown. "Is something burning?" 

          Suddenly Victors blue eyes widen in panic. "The pancakes!" he shouts and scrambles to his feet and darting out of the room. 

         I couldn't help but burst out laughing as I heard muffled Russian cursing in the kitchen as Victor stumbles around frantically, trying not to burn the house down. 

        Maybe today won't be such a bad day after all, I think as I get up to save my Vitya from his mess. 

**Author's Note:**

> https://discord.gg/nuBJgqa This is a link to a discord server I made where fans can talk about Voltron, Yuri!!! on Ice, My Hero Academia, share art, recommend fics, or talk about anything else you want. copy and paste the link to join up! (idk how to put a link in text, if you know, a comment would be appreciated.)  
> warning: there are NSFW channels, though they are separated so if you don't want to see it you don't have to.


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